A Night to Remember

Another day closer to home…another day full of surprises. I had a drunk driver swerve behind me for at least 50 miles on my way out of Louisiana. I called the highway patrol twice and a trooper never showed up. I guarantee you, had I crossed the Texas border, there would have been a trooper there waiting for her. Yes, her…she was driving a green chrysler with a Louisiana license plate TCH 903. Why am I posting this info, because if she was stupid enough to drive like that, then she deserves to be made a spectacle of. She’s lucky she didn’t hit anyone (that I know of) and didn’t careen off that one curve. As if my morning hadn’t been fun enough at that point, when I pulled out of the Walmart street in Sealy, Texas.  nearly smashed into the side of another truck flying down the crossroad. A truck was turning and had my view obscured. I though I had waited for all the traffic to pass…the good news was that I didn’t have a trailer and I hadn’t pushed on the gas yet, only let off the brake.

A Farewell

For a year and a half, this has been my home. An orange box with less room and fewer amenities than a prison cell. I have had a great time driving for Schneider…I have been many places, seen many things, met many people. However, my time with them has grown short. I have seen the need for me to be home more. My wife needs me, my children need me, and my mother needs me. I have to admit it is a little scary leaving. Schneider gave me a job when I felt like my whole world had collapsed on me. I had no job, my marriage was in trouble, and I would soon have a second child. All of that has changed now…except for the second child…she’s still around. I have made my mistakes on the road and Schneider simply said that they wanted me to take some extra training so the mistake wouldn’t happen again. I have learned a lot and gained a lot of confidence. It’s hard to feel mediocre when you command a 40 ton steel torpedo. I will miss the road, but I have many road trips left to make, except these will not be alone; I can bring my family and share with them all the sights and joys that I have known.

Thank you, Schneider, for everything.

A Dedication…

I’m not afraid to show you who I am
And I am not ashamed of my life
Though I’ve walked alone down this cold and soulless road
I’ve always felt you deep in my bones

 

With every step I rise and fall
With everything to gain I end up losing it all
When the darkness gets in
I scream out and your light sets me free

 

I’m not afraid of the past no more
I’m not afraid and I’m bad for good
I used to dance to the devil’s beat
If I could bust into hell I would

 

I’m not afraid to shed all my skin
I’m not afraid of the faults you see
I’m tearing down these walls right now
They’re comin’ down ’cause I believe

 

Your love is blind, blind as a bat
The way that you’re leading me home like that
Your love is blind, blind as bat

 

I’m not afraid when they kick me down
I’m not afraid when I start to bleed
I’m not afraid if I live or die
I’m not afraid ’cause I believe

 

Your love is blind, blind as a bat
The way that you’re leading me home like that
Your love is blind, blind as bat

 

And I wish that I could give you something in return
For the precious time you wasted on the tears I’ve never earned
For reaching out to help me ‘cross the bridges that I had burned

 

And in the end you’ll finally see
That, baby, I’ve done everything I possibly can
I do it again ’cause I know you’re everything that I need

 

I’m not afraid of the the truth no more
I’m not afraid of the lies I hid
I’m not afraid of the price of my sins
I curse the day for the wrongs I did

 

I’m not afraid of the things you know
I’m just a book for the world to read
My final words on the final page
Will be your name ’cause I believe

 

Your love is blind, blind as a bat
The way that you’re leading me home like that
Your love is blind, blind as bat

 

“Blind as Bat,”

Meat Loaf, Bat Out of Hell III

 

In this day and age of hate it is rare that we find love; true love that will light up the darkest nights and pierce the stoniest walls of our heart. I have been so lucky as to find this love, and though, so many times, I tried to kick it away, it was always there waiting for me, because she knew me better than I knew myself.

Purification through Music

“I’m still alive
Must have been a miracle
It’s been a hell of ride
Destination still unknown
It’s a fact of life:
If you make one wrong move with the gun to your head
You better walk the line or you’ll be left for dead

 

I’m a runaway train on a broken track
I’m a ticker on a bomb, that you can’t turn back this time
That’s right
I got away with it all and I’m still alive
Let the end of the world come tumbling down
I’ll be the last man standing on the ground
As long as Hot blood runs through my veins
I’m still alive

 

Lost in the night
Feeling so invisible
Oh, a dead man walking the wire
High above the devils net
That’s made of fire
And it’s a long way down from the top of the world
You better look around or you gonna get burned

 

I’m a runaway train on a broken track
I’m a ticker on a bomb,that you can’t turn back this time
That’s right
I got away with it all and I’m still alive
Let the end of the world come tumbling down
[ Lyrics found on http://www.metrolyrics.com ]

 

I’ll be the last man standing on the ground
And as the dust clears look in my eyes
I’m still alive
I’m still alive

 

The darkest night ain’t black enough
To keep the morning light from shinin’
The highest wall ain’t tall enough
To keep the smallest man from climbin’

 

The more that you resist the tide
The more it pulls you in
The more you hang on for your life

 

(I’m a runaway train on a broken track)
(I’m a ticker on a bomb,that you can’t turn back this time)
(that’s right)
That’s right
I got away with it all and I’m still alive

 

I’m a runaway train on a broken track
I’m a ticker on a bomb,that you can’t turn back this time
That’s right
I got away with it all and I’m still alive
Let the end of the world come tumbling down
I’ll be the last man standing on the ground
And if my shadow’s all that survives
I’m still alive
I’m still alive…”

 

The above lyrics are from Meat Loaf’s, Bat Out of Hell III album and the song is entitled Alive. Many people find comfort in music. For some, a good classical does the trick to soothe them from a hard day; I, on the other hand, need music that I can identify with the lyrics and the music itself is powerful even without the lyrics. Since the early 90’s when a friend of mine in high school introduced me to the Bat Out of Hell II album, I have become a devout Meat Loaf fan. When the third album in the series came out, i wasn’t too happy with and I only liked 2 of the songs. Now, the album has grown on me and I really identify with a lot of the emotions behind these songs. Nothing beats playing the music at ear splitting levels and screaming the chorus until you feel your throat collapsing. Afterwards, you feel relieved, purified, and relaxed.

Where does God go when he dies?

There are many theories in the world about God; who/what he/it is…why, and so on. Some even think that we are creating God in the internet by collecting all the data and connections. It all doesn’t matter to me…

I came to a realization today. In the winter of 2000, I had an epiphany and came to know God more than ever…prayed to Jesus daily, if not more…sat in on religous studies, discussions and debates. This trend continued into the spring of 2001 and I lost my wife to divorce…shortly thereafter, my father died.

It wasn’t until I read the DaVinci Code and Angels and Demons that I really began to question to my faith. The waters murkied after finishing the Last Templar; which is a fiction work that states that Jesus was nothing more than a good man who taught others to live a good life. Is it possible that Jesus was married, fathered children? I think so. Do I believe that these descendants are of a royal and holy nature? No, I do not.

My mother and I have discussed questions and pauses in our faith and it was difficult for me to tell her that at this point, I believe in a higher power, but that’s about all right now. Oddly enough, she was quite understanding. I wonder how my father would have reacted to that statement. I know he loved me unconditionally, but he was of very strong faith…he also was a very open-minded person.

I don’t think of myself as an atheist or agnostic…I just feel that I have put religion on pause.